Stepping Through Disappointment
Wow. Just looked at my original values list from two weeks ago. I started with authenticity, and then continued with honesty because it’s what came next alphabetically. WRONG. Faithfulness would have come next alphabetically. I swear, this writer knows her ABC’s. For continuity’s sake, what I have to say about faithfulness (while tying it together with honesty) is this: I commit to faithfully share honestly in every space I fill, and that includes this tiny sliver of space on the internet I happen to occupy right now. This writer totally flaked on what came next alphabetically with her last post.
Speaking of honesty and faithfulness, I wanted to share a story with you. A few weeks ago, I learned that I had not been accepted for an internship opportunity I had applied for. It wasn’t even an opportunity that had been on my radar at all, just kind of fell into my lap through one of those sponsored Instagram ads which I NEVER pay attention to. It seemed like a great opportunity, so I decided to take a chance, walk through the open door in front of me, and fill out the online internship application. About a week later, I was selected for a phone interview, which went really well.
The opportunity to glean from someone I looked up to in my industry in regards to content creation and all sorts of other related business skills was an option I didn't even know was available to me. Although I was holding it with an open hand and heart, each day that passed grew my anticipation as I waited to hear an answer. And then it happened:
Disappointment.
I received an email about a week or so after my phone interview letting me know that I hadn’t been accepted for the internship, and was encouraged to apply for the next round in 2020.
Even though it was an opportunity I hadn’t really planned for at this point in my life…
Even though I had prayed throughout the process for God to make a way if it was for me, and to keep it from me if it wasn’t his best for me…
It was still a disappointment.
I had some choices to make in light of that disappointment, though. The first thing I chose was to allow myself to feel sad about it. It’s okay to feel disappointed. It’s okay to grieve. Even the loss of something hoped for can lead to grief, so I allowed myself to feel.
I also chose speak truth to myself - truth about who I was and where my value was found. Disappointment and rejection swing the door wide open to what isn't true, attempting to fill my heart, soul, and mind with lies. Nothing more powerful than the truth to fight lies, and so the battle begins. Someone else’s decision does not determine my value. Someone else’s decision does not change what is true. I chose to allow truth to inform my feelings, instead of letting my feelings blur reality.
Disappointment. Rejection. Loss. Not fun. I don't always make the right choices when fighting through my feelings, which makes me really grateful when I do. There's just no other way but to keep moving forward. Still so much to learn. Still so much room to grow. There are battles to be fought, with each one bringing me one step closer to the finish line.
Finding my way.
Running my race.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7