Wondering Woman
What one does when faced with the truth is more difficult than you would think.
Wonder Woman
I am a wonder woman, fearfully and WONDERfully made. See what I did there?
Let's finish what we started and continue with the next word on our When Words Wane list, which is responsibility. I guess that stick-to-itiveness (yep, that's a real word!) is on overdrive this morning. If you haven’t gathered this about me already, I’m really into words. Specifically, what words mean. Not what people think they mean, mind you, but what they actually mean. Once I'm armed with what words truly mean, I can be sure to use them properly. Careful, Becky. Your Enneagram 1 is showing!
But seriously, it’s a heart and desire for excellence the Lord has woven into me. Even though I’m a recovering perfectionist - especially as a recovering perfectionist - I am learning to accept this side of me as one of the many evidences of God’s fearfully and wonderfully made design of me. The desire to do things correctly and with excellence is NOT something I need to be ashamed of. It is NOT something that I need to correct or change. I don’t have to fit in to someone else’s idea of what a perfect me should be.
But I digress.
According to Merriam-Webster, which is my favorite dictionary by the way. They've been around since 1828! Back to definitions... responsibility - noun describing the quality or state of being responsible: such as a : moral, legal, or mental accountability b : RELIABILITY, TRUSTWORTHINESS
In order to fully know what responsibility means, we've got to know what responsible means. responsible - adjective (1) : liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent (2) : being the cause or explanation 2a : able to answer for one's conduct and obligations : TRUSTWORTHY b : able to choose for oneself between right and wrong
Knowing what I do about myself, I now have a fuller grasp as to why this word made my values list. And now it's time to set the timer for 10 minutes, and go...
Responsibility. It's important that I am responsible, reliable, and trustworthy. Sometimes, the fact that I am trustworthy gets muddled with the fact that it's important that others see me as trustworthy. That is a slippery slope, indeed. A very people-pleasing slope that I slide down very easily. Does it matter if someone thinks I'm trustworthy? I mean, if their opinion of how worthy I am of their trust is based on me abusing that trust, that's one thing. But if I am trustworthy, and someone doesn't think I am just because? Well that's a different story.
Is my trustworthiness and reliability only complete if someone acknowledges it?
The flip-side to placing such a high value on my responsibility and reliability is that when others do NOT place as high a value on those qualities (or at least it seems that way to me when I rush to judgment), I take it really personally. I mean, the right thing to do is always the right thing to do, right? Being responsible, reliable, and trustworthy is the right thing to do, so there. *insert crossed arms and pouty stance here. Grace, Becky. This journey as a recovering perfectionist has helped me learn more about the gift of grace, both the grace I've received and the grace I can give others. Because I've received grace, I can extend it to others. Because I've received grace, I should extend it to others. Even though I love being responsible, reliable, and trustworthy, the truth of the matter is that I still let others down in this department. My love for something doesn't make me incapable of blowing it. Being tenacious towards excellence does not grant me perfection. There was only one who was created to be perfect, and it wasn't me. And so, the journey of a recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser continues.
Time's up. I think I just generated a whole bunch of questions, and didn't really get to the root of anything. I'm thinking that's where the Wondering Woman title came from. I'm a wonderer and a ponderer. That's just part of the process, I guess. This fearfully and wonderfully made wondering woman will take it with all the tenacity she can muster. Whatever it takes on the journey to wholeness in eternity.
Speaking of responsibility, it's almost time for the new school year to start! I’m pretty sure that I am not the only parent of school-aged children that is already thinking about the upcoming school year. The start of the 2019-2020 school year is rapidly approaching. When did this happen? Last thing I remember is feeling ecstatic about another school year coming to an end. Time flies when you’re having fun! Starting the school year right and being purposeful in your child's schooling is a big challenge in being a responsible parent. Here's a recent Miami Moms Blog post that I hope is an encouragement to you, regardless of what season of schooling you find yourself in. You can find it here.