Holding Thoughts Captive
The progression of a muddled mind.
Overwhelmed. Feelings amplified. Thoughts racing. The muddled thoughts crowd my mind. So many rushing at me, it's hard to control them. So fast, it's difficult to name them, or even assign words to them. The torrent of thoughts evoke feelings more than words. At times, nothing even has to be wrong, honestly. Just the weight of life and all that I’ve been called to do just hits me and takes my breath away. Makes it hard to think clearly, and just stops me in my tracks sometimes.
Feelings surge when the photo stills of people and situations flood my thought life.
Sadness.
Disappointment.
Rejection.
Hurt.
Questions.
Doubts.
Anger.
Wait, is that really what was said? Why are they treating me this way? Am I imagining things?
Oh, the darkness that threatens to take over when the funk comes.
Have you ever been in one of those funks? Do you struggle with a muddled mind?
I find myself in this place often.
You know the spot: the point where you need to take control of thoughts that seem to have taken a life of their own in your heart, soul, and mind.
Like a swarm of bees, thoughts threaten to overpower me with painful stings.
Being in that place time and time again does not define me. Finding myself there often has given me plenty of practice.
Truth is what I must cling to. My feelings are to be acknowledged, yes. They are not the boss of me. Feelings point to what's going on, and a release valve for my heart and mind to do what words are unable to clearly communicate. They must be sifted through. They must be observed in the light.
I have to wait for the dust to settle in order to see more clearly.
I was knit together to feel deeply, to perceive.
No shame in how I process the circumstances of my life.
The more I embrace how I was created, the more I turn to my creator in gratitude.
Time to discern what the attacks I must shield myself from are.
Time to also discern what I need to embrace as refining.
What do I push through, and what do I walk away from?
As a child of God who struggles with anxiety, depression, and my thought life, I spent so many years feeling condemned because of the struggle.
“If I trusted God enough, then I wouldn’t struggle with these feelings.”
This is a lie from the pits of hell. It is in the struggle where my trust has grown, and continues to grow. It is in the struggle where your trust will grow too.
There’s been so much grace and growth, but the struggle still remains on this side of eternity. Some days, the struggle is more of a fight than others. If you struggle with holding your thoughts captive, know that I am in it with you, and would love the privilege of praying for you.
We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.
We take captive every thought. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (MSG & NIV)