God, the Paradox-Embracer

Apr 05, 2023

I’ve been simmering in ambiguous loss for the past few weeks. Experiencing it, yes, but also reading and writing about it as I prepare for a speaking event in the next few weeks. In the midst of all that I don’t understand, in all that lacks closure and certainty, I am learning that sitting with both/and is a big part of it.

Holding two contradictory ideas at the same time. Terrible time AND a time of growth. Time of loss AND time of gaining new insight. The presence and absence hold hands, and we live with it, moving forward in a new way as best as we can.

With ambiguous loss, contradictions abound. Complicated shades of gray versus neat and precise endings. Someone sitting near us can be gone cognitively and emotionally - dementia, addiction, a relationship that’s ended. Someone physically absent can still be present in our hearts and minds. Contradictions hurt, and we fight for certainty.

Coming to the end of myself and my need for closure and certainty in the midst of ambiguous loss has helped the real me begin. Learning to embrace the both/and over the either/or. The paradox of absence and presence and how they hold hands in the midst of my loss.

God meets me right where I am, even in the midst of my messy, full of commotion, inner turmoil.

God embraces the paradox, friends. We should, too.

Betrayal and arrest, interrogations and denials, and rejection.
None of these things caught you by surprise.
None of this deterred you from the mission.
You knew what was in store for you.
Every single bit of it, Lord. You knew.
No going back to the way things were.
Not the world’s kind of king at all.
Born to die for scoffing enemies turned friends.

How are you sitting with the both/and these days?

Until tomorrow,

Becky

glimpses of love

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