(let me know if we’re still enjoying the post audio recordings. if so, I may need to figure out a different microphone situation to fix my volume issues.)
We are a grief-illiterate society.
Someone else’s words that I resonated with so much inspired me to share my own a few days ago.
Based on an excerpt from one of the chapters in my book, the words I ended up sharing on Instagram resonated with a few folks. Some conversations are best held outside of social media comment sections, so in an effort to increase grief literacy and community connection (at least in my little corner of the internet), I decided to share my words here.
literal death is what people tend to associate with grief and loss, and rightly so. when someone you love dies, it’s a gut punch that keeps you gasping for air the rest of your life.
death sucks bigtime.
death as evidenced by loss of life isn’t the only kind we experience on this side of eternity, though.
recently, I’ve started learning about ambiguous loss. for many years, I knew I had experienced loss. I chose to push past it instead of dealing with it.
steamrolling my grief to rush to the other side and be “okay.”
being okay meant I was getting things right and disappointing fewer people.
I minimized everything, pretending the losses didn’t rattle me.
we keep going until we’re stopped in our tracks.
I used to think I should just get over death and loss and not pay much attention to them at all. now I know that death and loss lead to new life, and that new life is something that deserves my utmost attention.
we love to focus on the new life, but rarely give more than a passing glance to the loss that led us there in the first place.
death and loss aren’t things to just brush aside. it'll always be a part of you in some way. you don't leave it behind or move past it completely. it becomes a part of you.
death and loss are things we go through, not get over.
you are seen and loved, friend.
A few questions…
What does grief-illiterate mean to you? What are the biggest lessons death and loss have taught you? Any thoughts on ambiguous loss? What words/thoughts/feelings about death and loss are you wrestling through these days?
Until next time,
Becky
A few more words about loss from the archives -
Stepping Through Disappointment
Good Grief: Sitting With Sadness During the Holidays
And I can’t NOT wish my sweet hubby a happy birthday in a post that gets published on his special day. My love, you are the gift that keeps on giving. I am so thankful for the gift of YOU. Thank you for always being one of the first to read and respond to the words I share here. You complete me, and I’m not just saying that because Jerry Maguire was on the other night. Happy birthday, hon!