Good Grief
sitting with sadness & other both/and-y things I'd rather not do
This is my first time showing up in your inbox on a Saturday - happy weekend reading!
So many words have been floating around in this head of mine lately. The title of this post are the two that have been on repeat for the past week or so.
Good grief.
After I move past what initially pops into my head when I first hear these words,
the word association game continues, and another couple of words pop up: oxymoron and paradox.
Those two words describe exactly what good grief is: a combination of words that contradict each other. Good and grief lack harmony when placed side-by-side. Why anyone would want those two together is beyond me. Sitting with sadness? I mean, sadness is quite literally the opposite of happiness, and what in the world can ever be good about that? They don’t belong anywhere near each other.
Or do they?
I recently stumbled across an article about crying (which usually accompanies grief and sadness), and was surprised to learn shedding a few tears is actually good for you. I know I usually feel better after a good cry, but it goes beyond that. Research suggests that shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins, “feel good” chemicals produced in the human body that may also help ease pain, both physical and emotional.
Crying in response to stress produces tears that contain a number of stress hormones and other chemicals. This leads researchers to believe that crying could reduce the levels of these chemicals in the body, which implies that the stress that causes them would also be reduced.
Maybe there is such a thing as grief that’s good. Or more like a goodness that can be experienced in the midst of grief.
Good grief 2.0.
It turns out I’m in great company when it comes to embracing the paradox of both/and of good and grief. In true embracing-the-paradox fashion, Jesus uses spit and dirt mixed into mud to restore a blind man’s vision (you can read through John 9 for the full story). Something unpleasant brings healing and sight.
“...and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”1
As love mingles with grief, there are times glimpses of a greater love shine through. A love that can only be seen through a muddy veil.
Lord, give us eyes to see.
Until next time,
Becky
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief (emphasis mine), it grows perhaps the greater.”
Haldir, and elf of Lothlorien, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
This deeply resonates, Becky, thank you — and yes and Amen to Sally's beautiful piece at Stands of Silver. Much 💖.
Your words do give so much more understanding of the paradox that is grief. I’ve always said tears water heart and keep it tender.
Thank you so much for sharing my piece on grief.